Sep 2, 2012

[Technicolor Musings] Random Thoughts About Being Single

So, there's the whole single thing. It's still going on. And I have to admit that I don't feel too bummed about it. Not that I necessarily feel stellar all the time either, but it's an interesting balancing act.

I wanted to make this into a more focused article of sorts like my usual stuff and just write around that. But at the moment my brain just doesn't quite know how to put all these thoughts together in an efficient manner, so I'll cheat by calling this a "random thoughts" article instead.

There's no particular rhyme or reason here. Just stuff floating around in my head as I continue this journey as a now 30 year old single gay geek. This might be a post that might better fit my personal blog, but I needed content for today, so this is what you're going to get.

Guns don't kill people, sluts do - There's a natural stigma for location-based apps like Grindr since it's assumed that when you're on the network, you are looking for hook-ups. And I ventured into the murky waters of profiles filled with referenes to "NSA only" type activities (and we're not talking about the government here) and I came out, well, not at all slutty. Apps don't force you to have sex with strangers. That's really up to you. What I did manage to find are a bunch of geeky contacts that I'm trying to see if they're worth upgrading to full-blown friends. I have at least one who has earned that status but I've already left the network, so the others will have to go back to the open waters. But there are moments I'm tempted to go back just for the sake of conversation.

Everyone has their market - That's a saying of sorts that my first partner always reminded me. But it's harder to apply this in reality when you're back in the single world and trying to figure out where exactly your market is. Technology has become quite a big help in terms of helping you increase your chances of meeting someone closer to what you're looking for (and vice-versa), but in the end it's a lot of patience and grunt work (but not THAT kind of grunting). I'm still doing the work, but I'll admit it's been nice to bump into the odd person who finds me attractive. I really need the ego boost considering the last relationship that I'm trying to recover from.

Sex with strangers still scares me - I guess with the threat of HIV / AIDs and STDs out there, there's always going to be some degree of nervousness when it comes to even thinking of meeting and perhaps hooking up with other people. I recognize this is part of the reason I haven't been meeting too many new people just yet despite my knowing that as long as we use protection, . I tend to want to get to know them better online or something so that I can develop a better read on them and perhaps determine how much I'd trust them. But for now the gates remained closed and no one is going to be able to storm my castle just yet.

I flirt rather geekily - And I have no intentions of changing that any time soon. I can understand how my use of wit and humor can be unsettling for some people, but it's my primary defense mechanism. A new friend of mine has termed it langeekan - a merging of the Filipino term for flirting, which is landi and of course the term geek. It means that I mix in pop culture references with my innnuendo and if you miss the hooks, my interest will fade pretty quickly. I don't need someone as "smart" as me - my mother always reminds me that there are few people who can remotely think the way I do so I need to be reasonable with the rest of the world - but I do need some capaibility of handling a conversation.

Ultimately, I can walk away - I think my sense of self and my ego are doing a lot better now. I'm no longer tempted to give in to just anyone who bothers to have a conversation with me nor do I feel bad when someone I try contacting does not reciprocate. In that sense I'm feeling stronger every day and thus also more stable. And that's a very good thing given this whole single thing. I wanted to take time for myself to become better and heal old wounds.

Admittedly, the single life is not as "fun" as it is presented in popular media, or even in terms of how I envisioned things. A lot of it is the normal boring stuff like going to work and making sure the dishes are washed and all that. But then have been bright moments along the way and interesting new people to talk to. I just need to keep focused and continue to exert efforts into trying to be more sociable. It's really not one of my primary skills, but I try.

So yeah, I'd love to meet up for coffee or even drinks if one of you reading this is feeling bored with his single journey as well. And when I say meet up for conversation, I do seriously mean meeting up to actually talk and not some euphemism for hooking up. So there.

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