Feb 17, 2013
Answers vary from case to case and as with most things in life, there are no absolutes. If you try to treat all your ex-boyfriends int the same manner, then you're probably not going to mature much as an individual. That's still your option of course - sadly, maturity has never been a major requirement in life
But this is my take on this aspect of relationships - one that we're all bound to face at least once in our lives. Nothing is ever truly perfect and thus relationships need a lot of work. But at the same time if things don't work out, you need to be somewhat prepared for how to handle things or at least have an idea of what to do next.
So here's my take on how to deal with your ex-boyfriends after the fact. Think of his as some very broad guidelines and opinions on the matter - take it as you will.
When It's Over... - The first thing that one needs to consider is the why and how of the break-up itself. Did you part ways amicably after coming to a mutual agreement that things just working out? Was your last discussion as a couple a violent discussion with objects flying and doors slamming? Naturally if the break-up was bad in itself or the relationship died because of severe issues like abuse (both physical and emotional) or actual theft of funds and the like, then it's not at all expected that you should deal with the guy all too much. But sooner or later, you are bound to encounter him, I expect.
After a Bad Break-Up - It is best to make at least one effort to recover property, return keys and things of that nature, then just cut ties. Personal possessions that he does not want to return to you are technically being held hostage in exchange for your time and attention. Move on with your life and just make one demand. If he fails to deliver on that, then start deleting him from the appropriate address books and social media accounts. Out of sight, out of mind.
The Years-to-Months Principle - There are some that suggest that to get over your last relationship, it will take you at least 1 month for every year that you two were together. During that period, it may be for the best that you don't initiate contact with the guy as much as possible, regardless if you broke-up amicably or violently. The two of you need to re-learn how to be just friends or acquaintances, whatever the case may be. If you rush into contact too soon, old habits will come to the surface and you will either be overly intimate or overly violent as past trauma rears its ugly head.
The General Rule - The two of you were in a relationship and you cannot just ignore that. Being together meant that at one point in time you both stated that you love one another beyond belief. It means that you've shared intimate secrets with one another. It means that you have seen each other naked, both physically and emotionally. You can't just turn your back on that -so at the very least don't be a dick and try to be civil. You're both adults and these are more than fair expectations.
And that's all I have to say on the matter. To-date I can firmly say that at least I'm on pretty good terms with first ex-boyfriend, I concede that I happily got back together with my second ex-boyfriend and my third (and hopefully final) ex-boyfriend continues to act like a dick whenever I'm around. It's tiring, to say the least, but I know there's not much to be done about it. The way he's acting now just reinforces some of the many reasons that we eventually broke up.
Thus we move on.
Note: Club images were taken at O Bar Ortigas. I added them just to add a little flavor to this blog post.