Nov 20, 2011

[Technicolor Musings] When You're In A Slut Phase...

The Slut Phase.

 It's a weird term that perhaps originated in reference to that period when women try to sleep around prior to marriage. And like most terms that apply to women, this was eventually adopted into the gay community with meaning of its own. And while it can refer to many different things, I think we all have a general understanding of what a slut phase refers to.

Ladies Clamoring for Your Candy: Every Straight Man's Fantasy
By Taekwonweirdo via Flickr.
For purposes of this blog, I thought it might be appropriate to spend some time talking about this potential period in any gay man's life. I'm not saying that we all need to go through it. However I am acknowledging that it seems to happen to a rather significant segment of the pink community at one point in time or another.

And don't pretend that it doesn't happen - we all know it does. You've seen it happen. You have friends who have gone through this period. And heck, maybe you have too.

So let's go over the basics first, shall we?


HOW TO TELL IF YOU'RE IN A SLUT PHASE


There are some pretty obvious signs that you're more than  likely in a slut phase. Beyond the wanton desire to sleep with every single cute guy that you encounter in a day, you've probably shifted a lot more focus to your physical attributes. Sure, working out is good for you and it has obvious health benefits. But you'r pretty much past the point of improving general fitness and you've now crossed that line where you want to shape and tailor your body to perfect in order to maximize your potential for hooking up. It stops being about living healthier and feeling better but it instead becomes more about feeling desirable.

Hot guy with iPhone
By feastoffun.com via Flickr.

Other signs include documenting your improving physique, an increased amount of shirtless photos on your Facebook profile page and an increased number of Facebook friends who also seem to lack shirts. I respect the need to be proud of what you've accomplished with your body - that's all well and good. But when it becomes a singular focus of your being and you have no other hobbies other than working out and looking at yourself, there may be a problem here.

And of course, being in a slut phase means you're sleeping around. You meet up with people not out of the hopes of making a real connection but instead evaluate everyone based on how good you think they might be in bed. Your use of gay social networking sites is focused on finding guys who are similarly hot, are game for a one-nights stand and probably have a profile photo oddly similar to yours.

In a slut phase, sex is the singular goal. And don't give me that crap about needing to find out if you're sexually compatible first before dating a guy. If you really want to base a relationship on a guy's sexual prowess as a primary factor, you're going to need help of a completely different variety.


IS BEING IN A SLUT PHASE BAD? 

 On its own, you can't really say that slutting around is bad. In fact, some would argue that it's a fairly important part of gay culture, or something like that. While I don't believe that the need to have random sex should be a cultural highlight of the gay community, I'm not going to demonize it either.

We all have our reasons for entering a slut phase. A typical reason is coming out of a break-up from a relationship and wanting to feel attractive / wanted. When you end a serious, long-term relationship with someone, it's going to hurt. That's a no-brainer. And given that kind of emotional trauma, you're bound to make less than ideal decisions. And while there's a whole range of emotions that one can feel after a break-up, a lot of them can become quick justification for changing from mild-mannered gay guy to insta-slut.

Majestic 1
By Jon Buchanan

Others just feel that they want to explore the world, especially shortly after coming out or coming to terms with your sexuality. Every guy wants to experience "the scene" or "play the field" or whatever metaphors you want to use to describe this sort of thing. That's well and good - everyone is entitled to enjoy life and have fun to some extent. As long as you don't cross certain lines.

Or sometimes, you've been trying to look for a decent guy for so long that suddenly you just give up or feel like your chances seem to be extremely limited. And that is pretty emotionally draining too since your self-esteem goes down several levels, leaving you quite the emotional mess. Thus you feel the need to assert yourself, feel attractive again and generally prove to the world that you're desirable.

So let me repeat, it's not bad per se that you've entered a slut phase. But there are conditions of course, in order to remain a part of civilized society and not just some eternally horny animal in human skin. Otherwise, it does become a bad thing that can lead to some pretty self-destructive habits and their related consequences.


SLUT PHASE REMINDERS

As always, use protection, which will always apply with any sexual encounter. But this needs to be stressed when in a slut phase since sometimes the desire for mindless sex overrides our better judgment. That means always bring condoms with you (and not just one, what is this a 90's movie?) and keep yourself safe. It stops being fun when people start getting sick after all.

cute boys
By apalapa via Flickr

And when in a slut phase, be honest about it. This does not mean going around with an ID card that says "currently in a slut phase" or something, but you need to be upfront with other guys that you encounter that you're not looking for anything serious. A night of fun is great provided you didn't have to lead the guy on first and then feel it's okay to ignore his 20 million text messages he sends the week after you hooked up. That's just cruel. So don't go around promising the world just to get in some guy's pants and then pretend he doesn't exist after.

Lastly, know your limits and respect the limits of others. It's not fun when only one guy gets to enjoy, in a manner of speaking. So if you're an exclusive top and the other guy is too, don't force him to bottom since you feel you're hotter or just hornier. This is dancing along the fine edge of the definition of rape, and you really don't want to go there. At the same time, if you're not comfortable with being tied up, do not agree to similar terms since it's the only way you're going to be able to sleep with a certain hot guy.

Okay, and there's one more thing really. I promise this is the last bit.

It's called a slut phase for a reason. That means it's only going to last for a limited period of time. Once you've tried to deal with your brand of emotional trauma by painting the town red (or whatever other color you prefer), understand that this can't go on forever. In short bursts, yes I feel there may be some value to going all slutty. However in the long term, it isn't a great strategy.

two older gay men love homoerotic relationship photo nude man art naked homosexual couple photos photographer gallery male picture
By love art1 via Flickr


We all need to grow up, deal with our problems as adults and move on. Every phase has to come to an end. And if you still haven't found what you're looking for after going through a slut phase, then maybe it's time to try a different approach to addressing your issues.

After all, doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is supposed to be crazy, right? If you really want things to change, it needs to begin with you.
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4 comments:

Tobie Abad said...

I recall a friend who used to think it was called "Slot phase"
Then again he was a pure bottom.

Geeky Guide said...

Sadly, this is not the first time I've heard someone mix the terms together. Bleh.

Lanchie abanco said...

And hopefully they also know how to cover their tracks.

I know some people who involve people from their work places when in this phase.
Sadly, most of these stories do not end up well. 

Geeky Guide said...

Ack, true! I forgot to include pointers on avoiding making a mess in your own backyard in terms of work. However the advent of massive companies such as what's found in the BPO industry makes it a bit trickier to manage that.

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