Sep 19, 2010

[Technicolor Musings] It's Not A Crime To Be In A Relationship

Flickr: PB-PSBear - Scanned Photos - Gay Pride Parades and Festivals
Scanned Photos - Gay Pride Parades and Festivals
by PB-PSBear via Flickr.


When you go around the LGBT section of the blogosphere, you're bound to encounter a wide variety of blogs that talk about different aspects of queer life. Some like to focus on fashion. Others just post lots of photos of hot models and other celebrities. Others still focus on LGBT political issues or just trying to pitch in their ideas for furthering the gay rights cause.

But a significant number of blogs (regardless of primary genre), tend to focus on their singledom, whether for good for for ill. And it's a weird thing that seems to have become an almost major part of gay culture at times - how much we tend to rant and rave about how cruel life is, the unfortunate fortune of being single for long periods of time and a whole bunch of other things. In fact it's become quite the major driving force in a lot of gay writing, it seems - how so many people either bemoan being single or swear that they've resigned themselves to being single for the rest of their lives, always enjoying and celebrating the wild lifestyle of the man always on the move.

And so I thought it would be nice to add a different perspective to the queer blogosphere. Yes, someone could say that I'm one of the "luckier" ones since I've been fortunate enough to be in one relationship or another for more or less the past 8 years or so. And I suppose that gives me a decent enough perspective to use that as a base to write about all this.

Beauty and grace, and dollar bills.Image by feastoffun.com via FlickrWhen you're in a relationship, it seems that your single friends tend to view you in certain ways.

Some of the more common ones tend to be:
A Source Of Inspiration - There's the whole "if you can snag a guy, I can too" kind of thinking that I get every now and then. It's a good and a bad thing - as much as they find the relationship to be inspiring, they tend to put the whole thing on a pedestal of unrealistic expectations. It even reaches a point when they start dictating how you should handle things, if only to preserve their own images of how things should go. And I don't even want to go to that dark place when the relationship ends and they blame you for shattering their illusions.

Something To Be Envied - Then there are those who choose the darker track of things. They look at you and continually find fault since it's somehow unfair that someone "like you" could get a relationship that you somehow don't deserve. Or on the flipside, the slightly more positive might just be simple envy / jealously about the fact that you're in a relationship and then they're not. It tends to results in long bouts of self-pity and wallowing and lamenting at their accursed state in life.

Flickr: Frosted Peppercorn - Bruno Cox - Action Men
Bruno Cox - Action Men
by Frosted Peppercorn via Flickr.


Prisoners Of Commitment - Another view tends to be how people in relationships are somehow "foolish" for choosing to tie themselves down. These are the same people that proclaim that gay life is all about bedding a new guy every night, never letting themselves open up too much to potential risk and heart break or whatever else is out there. They constantly make fun of those who are in relationships and some of the more extreme ones even seem to take significant pleasure in trying to bed guys in relationships or even break them up.

But those are just a few general stereotypes that I encounter beyond those who are just plainly happy for you and the fortune of having found someone you can love. It's not that I'm totally counting these guys out - it's just that a number of them tend to be in relationships themselves, and thus can better relate to things.

This entry is really just a starting point for things - in the coming weeks and months, I hope to be able to write more about the virtues of life in a relationship, the struggles related to it and perhaps some of my views on how to help my single friends better think about their prospects of being in a relationship or how to improve their chances. I'm no Dr. Love or anything like that - I can only share what has worked for me so far and perhaps that might work for others.

I feel proud to be in a relationship, and I'm not trying to say that in a manner that is meant to be arrogant or to make other guys feel bad. And we shouldn't have to tip toe around that fact - be happy and be proud of what you have. While you don't have to rub it in other people's faces, you shouldn't have to put a damper on your own happiness as well. That's what my partner tends to refer to as Baduy Pride - the goofy feelings of joy and happiness that you get from your life with your partner that you can't help but share with everyone.

Happy Sunday you fabulous fags!
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