Dec 13, 2009

[Pink Culture] Flirting Faux Pas Of The Clubbing World

Aero Bar in Miami Beach, FLImage via Wikipedia

As much as I'm a geek and probably not well-known for my (highly limited) dancing abilities, I do enjoy hitting the clubs every now and then, having drinks with my friends or even enjoying a campy drag show or two. The local gay club scene isn't too different from the rest of the world, I assume although we have weird ways of making the rounds.

So this is going to be a rather opinionated entry - it's my blog after all. So there.

Anyway, the point is that in my times at the club scene or based on stories I hear from friends and especially my partner, there are a lot of weird stuff that happen in bars as part of our dying sense of social etiquette. I mean seriously, don't people know how to talk anymore? Don't people have the guts to just try to introduce themselves directly? Instead, we get all these passive aggressive techniques for trying to get the attention of others in bars and a lot of them are just really lame.

So that's what I'm tackling for this Sunday - what I like to think about as the flirting faux pas of the gay club scene (or at least the things that I find annoying / pathetic as heck).

The Ear Blow - One of the first so-called techniques that I ever heard about was the odd habit of trying to blow into the other guy's ear to get his attention. If done right, I suppose it might work - a subtle change in air pressure will inevitably make you turn to find the source of the draft. What more commonly happens is either (1) the guy blows too hard, thus generating this loud blowing noise in the ear of the target or (2) your subtle blow includes some spittle, turning it into a gentle rain. Eww. It's irritating, annoying and potentially unhygienic. Stop please!

The Pinky Nudge - Another practice I've heard about is how a guy can stand next to another guy, best if leaning on a table or over a banister / railing, then subtlety moves his hand close enough to the other's hand and then starts touching him with his pinky. It's fairly direct by most standards but it's still not the equivalent of saying hello and frankly it kinda comes off as creepy. First instincts are to pull your hand back because of the sudden pinky contact and that just leaves the pinky person feeling rejected. If you're already that close to a guy you like, you're a lot better off trying to act like a human being by saying hello rather than using this method in the hopes that he'll say hi first. If ever you do get a response, expect something along the lines of a gruff "What?" or "What are you doing?"

The Edward Stare - Yeah, I named this one in honor of Twilight and the disturbing tendency of Edward to watch girls while they sleep. A similar tendency is often seen in clubs, although I doubt the "Edward" in this case is not just wishing the object of his interest is safe. I mean sure, staring is commonplace in the club scene, I concede that much. When you see a guy you like, you tend to stare and wait for him to look in your direction. The bashful turn away as eye contact is made. The bold smile in response once eye contact is made. The Edwards just keep staring, never moving closer, never smiling - just staring. In theory they're expecting the subject to approach them instead and start the conversation. The bigger possibility is getting someone to approach you only to complain that you're being a weirdo given how intently you're scaring. Get a life dude.

The Blatant Adultery - This can manifest in a variety of ways (including some of the aforementioned techniques of sorts). The main difference here is the presence of the boyfriend / partner of the person who is flirting. Examples including doing the Edward Stare from across the room while holding the hand of his boyfriend. There's exchanging the flirtatious smile while hugging his partner. This can also manifest in the reverse mode, such as being offered a cigarette over the shoulder of your boyfriend as you're talking to him (this has happened to me!). I mean come on - if the guy is taken or more importantly if you are, flirting is probably not the respectable thing to do, especially when you're WITH your boyfriend.

The Urinal Stare - Bathroom flirting is a completely different level on its own. I don't even want to attempt to classify it as "higher" or "lower". This includes behaviors like obviously ogling another guy's package while you're urinating in adjacent urinals, waiting in bathrooms and trying to catch glimpses of other guys' members as they try to urinate or people who just never leave the bathroom and try to strike up conversations with people in the bathroom. The possibility of this increases as the size of the bathroom of the bar decreases.

The Cock Grab - I know in more liberal circles, grinding against someone else's crotch on the dance floor or even reaching for a guy's genitals as you dance is quite the strong come-on. What I'm referring to is what happens when the Urinal Stare mutates into something horrible - a guy suddenly reaching for your member WHILE you're urinating in a very, very, very blatant sign of his interest. As much as I want to encourage people to talk to others in bars or make their intentions / interests clearly known, this is really breaking well past one's personal space and all barriers of common decency. Somehow, I doubt you're going to meet your future boyfriend by crabbing his penis in a club bathroom. If you are the type of guy who does this or even the kind of guy who WANTS this to happen to him in a club bathroom, well, I guess you deserve each other.

My main point here is that we should really just talk to one another if you really want to meet new guys at a bar in the hopes of one day fostering a significant relationship. Too many people complain about not having boyfriends or being doomed to singlehood for the rest of their lives, but they don't do anything about it. Or, they commit some of the shenanigans above in the effort to bag a guy. The guys you'll get in this way will probably be good for a one-night stand (if even that) but not much else.

People are social creatures. We talk - it's the reason we have mouths beyond just eating (or blow jobs). So try to be actually sociable. Say hello. Compliment the guy on his dancing. Buy him a drink and be sure to raise your drink as a toast once he makes eye contact. Have a common friend introduce you. Whatever it is, try to act like an actual human being for once.

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